The holiday weekend is almost here. It's time, I could really use it.
You may be thinking some of these posts of mine are derogatory in nature; that I'm making fun of some of the people at my job. That's not my intention really. It's more of a coping method, I'd rather find a way to smile when I manage some of this crazy shit or I think I'd be up on a rooftop by now.
Anyway, here's a conversation that I had at work last night which most people think I might be making up, but truth really is stranger than fiction.
L: "Hey, I've been looking all over the plant for you..."
Me: "Oh, did you call me on the radio?"
L: "No...the what?"
Me: "This (holding it up), the walkie-talkie."
L: "What do you mean?"
Me: "Nevermind. What's up?"
L: "Well I tried to find you. I called your office twice."
Me: "Did I answer the phone?"
L: "Uhm...no?"
Me: "Then I probably wasn't there. So what's up?"
L: "oh...well I was trying to call to find out where you was."
Me: "Yep! Got it! Mystery solved! Here I am. What is your question?"
L: "Uh, oh yeah! What day is Christmas this year?"
Me: "The 25th. Just like last year."
L: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yep. And the year before that. This year it's on a Saturday."
L: "Is that the 25th?"
Me: "YES. Saturday the 25th."
L: "You sure about that?"
Me: "100% It's always two weeks after my birthday. Always. My birthday's on a Saturday this year. Christmas is two weeks after that. On Saturday, the 25th."
L: "Oh. What about Thanksgiving?"
Me: "The 25th. Two days away."
L: "The same day as Christmas?"
Me: "No. It's...Jesus, where are we going with this? Do you have a question about holiday pay?"
L: "Uh, no, I don't think so. Hey, I thought we had Thanksgivings on Thursdays!"
Me: "We do. Thanksgiving is always on Thursday."
L: "But you said Saturday."
Me: "No! That's Christmas!"
L: "On the 25th?"
Me: "Yes! On the 25th."
L: "But that's three days away. And today's Tuesday. Which technically makes it a Friday. Not Thursday or Saturday." (L smiles triumphantly)
Me: "Oh my God! Stop! Just stop! Listen! First of all I said TWO days from now, and second, Thursday, November the 25th, the Year of Our Lord, Two-Thousand and Ten, will be Thanksgiving. One month after that...are you listening?...one month after that, on Saturday, December the 25th, will be Christmas Day. Cool?"
L: "Yeah, I'm cool. Hey, is it cool if I work that day? Get some holiday pay? How much do we get paid for that anyway?"
Me: "So you do have a question about holiday pay..."
L: "Well, I guess I do. So how much money is that? Double-time? Triple-time?"
Me: "No. None. We're not working that day."
L: "WHAT?! We don't get holiday pay?"
Me: "Yes, it's a PAID HOLIDAY. But we don't work that day. No double-time. No triple-time. Just a Paid Holiday. Because it is a Federal Paid Holiday. A holiday where you get paid."
L: "Like holiday pay. But I heard that was triple-time."
Me: "No, no, no, no, no...no. You will not be here. I will not be here. You and I will get paid, not to be here. That's a paid holiday."
L: "So, we ain't gonna be here?"
Me: "That's right."
L: "And we get paid not to be be here?"
Me: "Yes."
L: "On the 25th?"
Me: "Right."
L: "Every month there's a holiday?"
Me: "Wrong."
This conversation probably could have gone on for the rest of the shift, but instead I escorted L to the bulletin board and made a copy of the Federal Paid Holiday Schedule and let them meditate on this document, so I could get the hell out of there before something bad happened.
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