"That Used To Be One Of My Favorite Songs" My Travelogue to Spain, December of 2011: Day One

DAY ONE:

Wednesday, December the 22nd: Disembark from Tulsa (and then Dallas)!

During my research to purchase the airline tickets, I learned that it was over a thousand dollars cheaper to fly out of Dallas-Ft. Worth than Tulsa! Ridiculous! Given the circumstances though, everything worked out much better for me to fly out of DFW.

Please allow me to provide a tiny bit of background: I have a good job in lower management at a food manufacturing plant, and make good money to deal with silly crap crap the hourly employees pursue and try to get away with on a regular basis. Our company provides a truly amazing and competitive benefits package which I very much appreciate, including, but not limited to, free medical and dental, a great 401K, a flex-plan, a free gym, and…a free twenty pound turkey at Christmas.

So here’s the dilemma: I’m a single guy. What the hell am I going to do with a twenty pound turkey? The thought of cooking a big turkey dinner for myself with stuffing and gravy and cranberry sauce and sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie is sad and absurd. The last couple of years, I’ve made an effort to evade that uncomfortable situation.

One year, I showed up at the place and demanded to visit with the turkeys before I picked one out to kill. I became very upset when they informed me that the turkeys were already dead, whereupon I insisted they tell me the time of death. When they said that they really had no idea because that’s how they bought them, things got emotional on my end. Ultimately, I refused to accept livestock in such deplorable conditions and stormed the hell out of there! As it turns out, my company donates all the turkeys to charity that don’t get picked up, so that was my good deed for the holiday season.

Last year, I went ahead and picked up the turkey then wrapped it in some clothes which were originally destined for a trip to the local Good Will. However, I scouted around my neighborhood for a young, healthy-looking beggar (not a crippled one), and threw it at him as I passed. Poor guy; knocked him right off his milk crate, but he did get some nice clothes to wear so he could look for a job. My karma balanced on that one.

This year, I didn’t have to bother with any of that because a good friend of mine agreed to give me a ride to Dallas in exchange for gas money and a twenty pound turkey. I’m not sure why it’s so much more expensive to fly out of Tulsa, but it’s nice that things worked out better this year.